Part Numero Uno

I'm 18 years old. I love to write, but I can never make it sound right. Endless starts of stories come into my brain. And sit there. Molding. Decaying. And melting back into the goop and liquid shit that infests my thoughts. Pollution. I can't stand the stories that I try to write, they always come out sounding fake and retarded to me. You might like them, but they aren't written for you. No writer ever scribes for his audience, they do it for themselves, and if the populous that decides that it is worthy of note then that is just a bonus. The awards for being on a best seller list are worthless. They mean nothing. All that (should) matter is the sense of accomplishment that on receives from finishing something. The words "The End" at the end of a piece are all the praise that a writer needs.

Finishing a piece of work is the greatest accomplishment that someone needs. Whether or not it is writing, or playing through a basketball game, completing a court case, or emptying a magazine at a shooting range. It couldn’t and shouldn’t matter if you miss every shot on the hoop, if you are laughed out of court by the judge, or if you miss the target every time you pull the trigger. It doesn't matter a damn bit what it is that you do, it doesn't matter a damn bit if you win. All that matters is that you finish. To hell with all the other pep-talks that old people give to the new generation. About regrets, and wishing that had done this or that, or finished this, and gone there. It doesn't matter. Those are the words of people who have realized they blew their chance. They realize that the world is not a forgiving or a loving place. No one will listen to their words of wisdom now. Give it a shot, go listen to someone who is over the age of 60. It's not worth your time. You will learn something from them, but it isn't what they would have you learn. They would have you walk away from listening to them feeling refreshed, and revitalized. Thinking you can take on the world. Thinking that you can do anything. And that if you don‘t come out on top then you are a failure. There is no glory in walking away they would say, and that is what they would have you believe, because it is what they believe. It is what people are brainwashed into believing.

That is what they will say to you. Those are the words that will filter into your ears and sift through your brain. Listen to them. But don't take it to heart. They are broken people. They are old. Old possibly through years. Old through having lived a hard life. Old. They are the useless maggots that have taught people to believe that second place is first loser. Listen to me. FUCK WINNING. To hell with wanting to go back in time and change this or that. To hell with fatalism saying it all happens for a reason. To hell with thinking that all is over and done with when a dream blows up in your face. Fuck that.

Winning is quite possibly the worst thing that can happen to people. If you're the best, then hear this. You suck. You are the worst. Experts are what cause people to give up. To quit. You know what people are the best in the world? The human beings that ACTUALLY MATTER are those who go to a metal show, and see someone nail down a 10 minute guitar solo that makes your ears crave an orgasm. Those people who hear that and then go home and buy a guitar and dedicate themselves to learning to play they are the shit I love those people. They only make one mistake with their desires. They yearn to do that which has already been done. Fuck learning that solo. Fuck learning that song. If that is what you do then you are a sack of shit. To hell with playing that song. You will never learn to do it perfectly. You will never be able to replicate that sound. You will never be as good. Learn the chords on your guitar. And then flail on it. Learn what you can do. Find out what sounds you can produce. Don’t try to become someone else. Be your own person. Figure out your own solo. And then once you have learned your own unique place in music, go ahead and try to get his solo. I can almost guarantee that it won’t sound nearly as good to you now, as it did when you first heard  it. Why? Because you have learned to produce your own sounds. Your own unique mannerisms. It won’t sound as good because it won’t be yours. Everyone needs something of their own. Make your own whatever, and then take a look around and explore that which other have done. Your 80 year old grandfather that says "I wish" and "If only". Fuck him. He's broken. He's worthless. Everyone has a story. Everyone has something to teach you. But their message usually isn't in their words, which is where they think it is. Instead it's in their delivery. It's in their eyes. It's in their pores. It's in their blood. It’s written in an unknown language in their fingerprints. In their wrinkles. Everyone has a different language written all over them. Take the time to learn it. Not only will you be surprised at what you learn, but it will help you to read your own. And learn from yourself.  The words of a broken man could not be more worthless. Seek out those who would have you not give a shit about losing. Failure is an amazing experience. It is the best one can live through. Failure should be experience just as much as winning if not more frequently.

People who go through life saying "What if". Fuck those people too. If you live in the past like that then you have no point, or purpose in the present. Ever hear the expression "Someone so heavenly minded they're no earthly good"? It's true. And the same principle can be applied to many other aspects of life as well. It's not just for the religious, or the spiritual as they so often call themselves (I prefer to refer to them as brainless sheep) but it's for those who are so constantly focused on things other than life. Those who need to believe in something are nothing more than weak willed individuals that need to learn how to depend on themselves, and once they know how to live and be self reliant then, and only then should they be able to give up decision making and allow a "higher being" to control their lives, but even then it isn‘t wise to allow something/someone else to govern how you act. Allow a small amount of influence sure. That can be oh so very helpful at times. If you have learned how to live your life, and if you know how to be a real human being then by all means, become a spiritual person. It does a lot of good for a lot of people. And I'm not attempting to insult religions, or the religious. I am insulting those who just blindly leap into an organized religion that dictates how you should live, because they are too scared to live on their own and make mistakes. Screwing up is a huge part of life. And it's a large part of learning. But having someone else make the decisions for you is no way to try and live your life.

Carpe diem. Seize the day. Quite the message in and of itself, however it almost pushes you towards the mindset of doing things on your own. Completely by yourself, without asking for help. There is no shame in asking for help. And honestly, everyone probably should do it more than they currently do. I personally am very guilty of this. I have a strong leaning towards doing things myself, even if I fuck them up royally. And I’m perfectly okay with screwing things up. As I said before, fucking up is a large part of the learning process. But I think that it is also very important to seek out help with things that there is just no way around. A pipe breaks in your house, and you don’t know how to fix it, call a plumber. Have him fix it. Ask him about how he did it. Learn. Don't rip up your flooring and try to fix it yourself with a wrench and a role of duck tape. It won’t work nearly as well as you think it might. (You’ll then have to call a plumber, and a carpenter) If something goes wrong, don’t immediately cry for help. Grow the hell up. Don’t blame other people for your shit. Because chances are, it’s just as much your fault as it is there’s. And it usually comes down to he-said-she-said. And no one likes to try and sort through that garbage.